"Ugly" Sweet Renea

Dear Diary,

When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. When you put sand in a clam, you get a pearl. Life has a way of challenging us, but it’s through these struggles that we find our most desired outcomes. My life has been one of transformation—from a worm into a butterfly. But let’s start from the beginning.

The Sweet Girl

As a young girl, I was my mother’s “Sweet.” Not Renea, but Sweet. That nickname still brings me warmth today. My mother with her beautiful caramel skin, brown eyes, curvy and I believed wore a

Jerri curl with grace and confidence. She wore her Jheri curl with a confidence I admired. My daddy was a chocolate drop who was a stark difference to my mother. Daddy was short, chocolate and had a Pillsbury Doughboy tummy.

Being an only child I automatically had an interesting recipe for how I was going to look. My mom's side of the family was good looking, and it always seemed like my cousins hit the genetic lottery with their parents. The only thing we all had in common was we were all chocolate drops, I guess

that's my saving grace...Right?!

Struggles in School

Growing up wasn’t easy. In elementary school, I was bullied. I was constantly talked about, beat up, and felt like an ugly duckling. The truth was, I was that awkward, chubby kid who carried that same energy into my teenage years. I still felt invisible to boys and out of place, despite the beautiful people around me. I couldn’t help but believe I was the ugly one.

I was constantly talked about, beat up, and eventually a chubby kid turned into a chubby teenager; I was still shy, still chubby and invisible to boys. The only difference, I started calling people out for talking about me. Renea's assertiveness was born!!

The Pain of Losing My Mother

Life has a way of testing us, and nothing tested me like losing my mother while away at school. The tragic and surprising death of my mom was a devastating blow. The one person who

constantly poured into me, and loved me was now gone forever. So, what did that do to

my self love? It completely obliterated it. I became a hollow shell, yes I was physically

there but mentally I had a “on vacation” sign planted in my mind.

In a way, I didn’t care if I lived or died. I wanted to join her, and I didn’t know how to love myself without her there. I spiraled, seeking comfort in alcohol and meaningless relationships.

The Turning Point

My turning point became when after a day of drinking, I couldn't even look at myself in

the mirror. I didn't know who I was anymore. The girl who loved to laugh and joke had

turned into a girl who didn't laugh, who became a zombie.

In my life it was always My mom and I; But now, who was I without my mom? I realized that the answer was I was still Renea. My mom was part of my identity but she wasn't all of it. I had to find my way to a new version of me.

Rebuilding My Identity

The road to self-love wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. I had to rediscover who I was and what I wanted from life. I decided to finish my degree, with the goal of becoming a therapist. My mom had filled me with so much greatness, and I wasn’t about to let it die with her.

Journaling: A Path to Healing

One thing that helped me along the way was journaling. Writing down my thoughts allowed me to process my pain, my doubts, and my dreams. I encourage you to do the same—write when something is on your heart. And ask yourself: Are the things people say about me true? You'll find that often, their hurtful words have nothing to do with you and everything to do with their own insecurities.

Embracing Who I Am

The way I look is a perfect blend of both my parents.

I was never ugly, I just allowed others to try to extinguish a light that is within me.

I am who I am, sometimes I can be a comedian, other times a deep thinker, even a nfl historian. But at the end of the day I am Renea Linsom! I'm full figured, chocolate, I wear glasses and I love my quirkiness, I tell it like it is and I love how I shine even after it rains.

The Power of Self-Love

My self love journey has come a long way and as I get older I find new things about myself to love. I've attracted a man that loves me for who I am, and even when I feel bad, he's there to help me get back to me.

You can’t love anyone else until you love yourself. Without self-love, you’ll find yourself in toxic relationships and dark places. But when you choose to love yourself, everything changes.

I pray that you take the time to appreciate the beauty in who you are. I’m rooting for you.

Say this Affirmation out loud: "I am worthy of love, joy and success just as I am."

Signed,

That Girl Queen Renea