Am I Really Meant to Be a Sexual Healer?

Dear Diary,

As a kid, I never dreamt of being married, it was never a thought. There were no examples of successful marriages, no relationship goals I aspired to achieve. On top of that, I was fat, dark-skinned, and, in my mind, resistible.

As a teenager, I wasn’t turning heads or bagging dudes like the other girls. Most of the time, I just felt lonely.

And as I grew older, every year I told myself, "Next year, I’ll find my man." But apparently, GloRilla and I have a lot in common: "I ain’t got no ninja, and no ninja ain’t got me!" Am I lonely? Nah. But are there moments when I wish I wasn’t alone? Hell yeah.

The majority of my "relationships" consisted of me pouring love and affection into men who needed nurturing. They would never admit it out loud, but it was clear in the way they crawled into my arms to be coddled like babies—like moths to a flame. I gave them light while they extinguished mine. I gave them love while they left me...emotionally lonely.

I used my body to fill voids, but the biggest one I had to fill was my own.

It took years of tears, heartbreak, and not feeling "good enough", like, literally just wanting to be enough, for me to get to the space I’m in today. And honestly? "Enough" isn’t even something worth aspiring to. I deserve more than "enough."

It took years for me to look in the mirror and love the reflection staring back at me. It took years to understand the problem wasn’t what I looked like...it was what I felt like inside. And if knowing my worth means I’ll be alone, then bayybeee, I’m diving into the Alone Pond headfirst!

University YouTube taught me that the Loneliness Pandemic is real. There are people paying for Professional Cuddlers and Sex Healers! Soooo now I’m thinking, maybe I missed my calling? Sign me up orrrr? LOL.

Ladies, let me tell you something: You are beautiful. You are whole. You are enough—EXACTLY as you are. But the gag is, you’ve got to believe it first!

Signed,

That Girl Kish